A grumpy pregnant woman watches the Stanley Cup Playoffs, Round 1

Vancouver Canucks vs LA Kings

This just doesn’t stop being funny.  I’ve been laughing at this all day.

If I were a Kings season ticket holder and had to listen to that Cartman voice all the time, I would stab myself in the ears.

I am so sick of the casual sexism of the “Sedin Sisters” jokes/posters/T-shirts.  The only joke here is that the Sedin twins are girls and, thus, inferior.  This is not even clever.

See above, re “LA Queens”.

I am a bad person because I cannot see Dustin Penner without thinking of pancakes.

The Canucks have a place in my heart now for being the only team whose special teams make the Sharks’ look decent by comparison.  Two short handed goals against and a power play goal against in one game?  That’s just sad.

Jonathan Quick should win the Vezina even if he does play for a west coast team.

St Louis Blues vs San Jose Sharks

It bugs the hell out of me that this is my home team and yet it is the most boring series in the ENTIRE 2012 first round.

It completely eludes me as to why the Sharks traded at the trade deadline to bring in players to improve their special teams….and then instructed those new players to adjust to the Sharks’ existing (sucktastic) special team strategies.  What?

Every time the Sharks wear their black jerseys, baby Jesus weeps.  Why do they always think this is a good idea?  LA has black jerseys.  Pittsburgh has black jerseys.  Everyone else wears COLOR.  Ever notice how awesome the arenas look in, say, Nashville or Detroit or Philly when all the fans are wearing yellow/red/orange respectively?  Ever notice how the Tank looks scattered because we can’t pick one damn color?  Note to Sharks: we bleed teal.  We do not bleed black.  I have SO MANY HORMONES and this is really upsetting to me.

Seriously, the Blues/Sharks series is so boring that the only thing I can even think of to talk about is my ire over the jerseys.

Phoenix Coyotes vs Chicago Blackhawks

If I were a Coyotes season ticket holder and had to listen to that coyote howl all the time, I would stab myself in the ears.

Raffi Torres defies description.  Can we just kick him out of the NHL?  It vaguely worries me that his suspension hearing is on Friday after Game 4 as this implies that Hossa’s condition will be a factor in Torres’ punishment.  I’m sorry, if this is your third suspension in 13 months, don’t let the door hit your ass on your way out.

I watched the “NHL: 36” episode on Patrick Kane today and I’m not sure if it made me like him more or less.  I’m so meh on the Blackhawks in general.

If I were on either of these teams, I would be really sick of seeing the other team in overtime.

I really don’t think Shaw should have gotten three games for his hit on Smith.  Far be it from me to imply that Smith was faking/embellishing (he’s not on the Canucks, after all) but….

Also, it’s inconsistent that Torres’ punishment would be contingent on the extent of Hossa’s injury but yet Shaw got a three game suspension when Smith never even missed a shift.

Nashville Predators vs Detroit Red Wings

This is my favorite series of Round 1.  Game 4 was a little weak but the others were awesome.  Good hockey!

I don’t have a dog in this race but it really seems like the refs are trying to help Detroit out.  The disallowed goal/quick whistle and too many men penalty against the Preds in Game 4 were both pretty weak calls.

The “NHL: 36” episode on Niklas Lidstrom was awesome.  He’s so adorably OCD.  It was neat to see how he and Holmstrom have a great off-ice relationship and then watch Game 3 later that night to see how they really mind meld on-ice as well.

Pittsburgh Penguins vs Philadelphia Flyers

This is the only east coast series I’m watching regularly as our Tivo can’t get everything and I’ve been prioritizing the western conference games.

I think I’m cheering for the Flyers in this series, but it’s primarily because I really like the color orange.

This series is a bloodbath.  Good lord.  Also, Game 4? Woodshed beating.

Every time I hear Doc Emrick, I’m OK with West Coast hockey largely being ignored.  I’m sure he’s a very nice person but why the christ is he only capable of announcing in the passive voice?  “Standing in the penalty box is Malkin.”  “Going up the ice is the puck.”  Getting really irritated listening to that crap is me.

Seriously, Pierre is annoying me less than Doc.